The Nitty Gritty of My Birthing Experience 2.0

Now I’m ready to write my nitty gritty of my birthing experience 2.0.

In my previous post I mentioned that 2.0 is different gender from 1.0. Actually, before going to my detail scan appointment, I dreamt that I was pregnant with that particular gender. 

So imagine my surprise when the doctor told me that I was indeed pregnant with that particular gender. I even asked her again during my next visit the gender of my baby - because I couldn’t appreciate when she showed me previously, and this time, I could see it clearly. Retrospectively, the point of me dreaming the gender is sorta important point during my pregnancy. Because guess what else I dreamt about later on?

Yep, my labor date. Well, sort of. I can’t remember exactly what I dreamt, but I dreamt that I had delivered. Lol. 

And I actually delivered for real the next day after I told my friend. And here’s how it went. 

22nd of August, about 2 in the morning. I think I woke up from sleep, and experienced contraction pain. I always wake up in the middle of the night/early in the morning during the pregnancy (and sometimes even when I’m not pregnant), so there’s nothing new here. But the pain, I was lowkey worried if it is true contraction pain or just tightening/Braxton Hicks. I have been experiencing tightening for some time now anyway. I was not truly convinced that it was true contraction because I didn’t feel it regularly, increasing in intensity nor frequency. But it was quite persistent until 4am. Also making me worried was that I couldn’t really feel my baby moved during that period. I know that technically you should count the fetal movement during the designated time, but I could always feel my baby moved at least once whenever I woke up in the middle of the night. So at 4am, when I no longer felt the contraction pain, I woke bae up and told him that I might need to go to the hospital later. 

Around 7am, bae sent me to the hospital before sending 1.0 to school and he himself to work. Initially I thought about getting my hospital bag in my car - since bae is using his car to send us, but we were already late (to send 1.0 to school), and I honestly thought that I will be discharged anyway with an MC or something, so I didn’t. Besides, I was initially a bit more worried as I didn’t feel any movement early in the morning but then I felt it again when I was showering, so at first I even contemplated NOT going to the hospital lol.  So imagine my surprise when the doctor who assessed me told me that I was already 4cm. Actually initially she said it was 3cm, but stretchable to 4cm, hence she said to document as 4cm and off to labour room I can go. Lol. Also when she scanned me, the EFW was 3.4kg. Again, imagine my surprise as I just had my scan the day before and it was only 3.1kg. 

Oh. Back to the MC part. I highkey hoping I was actually in early phase of labour, or false labour, and would get an MC so that I wouldn’t have to go to work because frankly I was so lazy to go to work but I don’t want to take leave because later at night I was supposed to have a dinner meeting for work stuff. Another reason why I was not ready to deliver and in denial about me in labour is because I already booked a prenatal massage session the next day lol. 

Anyway. Called bae and told him about my situation. He ended up taking Grab to the hospital because trying to park there was a nightmare. He even managed to go to the radio dept to settle some work stuff before coming to see me 🙄. After some time, went to the labour room and referred for epidural. Bae - as usual - was hesitant for me to get the epidural and I was like oh heck no, last time I didn’t get my epidural and this time I want it and it’s not you who are giving birth so nope you have no say in this, and the doctor - I think she was a houseman - just looked at him and snickered lol. 

Anaes came, consent taken for epidural, and they did it after attempting twice. Lucky I was in gov hospital or I would need to pay twice for the epidural set if we were in private. Cried when they inserted the epidural thingy because it kinda hurt a little bit and also it was the same time as my contraction. Actually you can just let them know if you’re having contraction, so that they can pause a bit, but I just want to be done with it so I cried while trying not to move while bearing the pain lol. Lowkey was scared taking the epidural because I’ve read some horror stories before that regarding failed epidural. But thankfully, everything went well. I didn’t feel a thing, even when they ARM-ed me, or hooked me up with pitocin. I could even replied messages lol. Epidural is *chefkiss.jpg*

For those of you who are wondering how could you know when to push if you couldn’t feel the contraction, you would know. I guess even more if this is not your first time pushing a baby out. Because you would feel the bearing down sensation. It’s not painful at all, just that you feel something is trying to pop out from under there. I guess it sort of feel like the biggest poop is coming out of your bottom? Haha. 

It was almost 2pm, I was due for next assessment at 3pm. Asked bae if he should go back home for a while to get my hospital bag, and he almost wanted to go, then I said to wait a bit and please call the nurse because I feel like bearing down - been having that sensation for a while but I keep postponing it because before that I was only 5cm (I think) and it should take some time to go to 10cm and I don’t want to be assessed multiple times. 

Nurse came and said I could push if I want to or we could still wait. I tried pushing, and they said to keep going, and they called the doctor to conduct the delivery, and I was pushing and pushing and they said to push a bit more because they could see the head and just a bit more so the forehead could pass, and I was pushing, and I feel this tearing pain and I was like why the eff did I feel the pain why is that damn epidural not numbing that pain, but I still keep pushing and the forehead was out and I was like oh thank God. But they said to push again for the body to be out, and I was like wtf again? I thought we’re done? Lol. But I pushed again with all my might and when the baby was out I just laid back and cried out of relief that it was FINALLY done (on 22/8 at 2.02pm, quite nice amirite?) lol. Like legit, I was sobbing. Haha. And the usual thing, showing the gender, skin to skin, but only for a while because then they had to bring the baby to the headbox as the baby was grunting a bit. 

After my placenta was out, came the next scary thing. Repairing the tears. Yes. Multiple tears. You know the tearing pain I felt? It was because I had labial tears. Yes. Multiple. More than when I had 1.0. Worse is the epidural wouldn’t help in numbing the pain while stitching down there. So they could only give local anaesthesia and me doing a LOT of deep breathing exercises to help me through it. Oh. Bae even joined an online meeting for MDT while I was getting stitches 🙄. 

Once that done, then the anaes came to take off the epidural, had my meal, and baby finally came to me with a diaper on and a hat with mittens and booties that some people had donated to the labour room. Lol. Bae went back home to finally get my hospital bag and came back just in time before I was pushed to the maternity ward. A friend of ours even bought us diapers (because we didn’t have the hospital bag yet at that time) and some biscuits and 3-in-1 drinks because I kept saying I was hungry when I just arrived in the labour room - but I couldn’t eat because that’s the rule sobs. 

Hmm I think I have written quite long. Will continue in next post about the immediate days after delivery. 

Baby H v. 2.0

Currently writing this while breastfeeding baby H 2.0. Yep, you read that right. Our small family of 3 has increased to family of 4. Bae, coming from a big family, has always wanted to have another kid. I don’t really mind either way, but we decided to wait until his employment status becomes permanent. And when it did, I found out that I was prediabetes lol. As I had history of GDM during my previous pregnancy, I decided to wait until my blood sugar normalised and to lose some weight before removing my Implanon and TTC. 

While I was on Implanon, I had prolonged bleeding. And after I took it out, I haven’t even had a normal period yet before I got pregnant lol. Took us about 2 months before we got that positive UPT. How did I know when to check the UPT? I remember it was 3rd of Jan, I was feeling tired at work - because I was fasting - and while scrolling through the IG, I came across friend’s picture of laksam, and I had this instant craving of laksam as well lol. We could blame it partly to the fact that I was fasting lol but I felt like the craving was unusually strong? So after work, decided to take the test and yep, it turned out to be positive. Thus our pregnancy journey started.

 

Pictured here is said friend’s screenshot of our DM when I told her the exact date that we found out we were pregnant lol. 

I was quite paranoid and anxious during this pregnancy, hence I didn’t really tell anyone, except when needed to or when it couldn’t be avoided. I had couple episodes of PV bleeding during my first trimester, so at first I was scared that I would go into miscarriage. Lucky that I have my own personal doctor friend to help check me out and also to listen to my worries and reassured me - shout out to F! Going into second trimester, I thought to myself, OK so this is definitely a viable pregnancy, surely there won’t be any issue now. Then it felt like God wants me to check myself, because I came across this IG reel by an O&G doctor, about one of his patients who came to him complaining of reduced fetal movements for 2 days. Turned out to be IUD (which was suspected to be already few days as evidenced by the overlapping skull from the scan) and the “fetal movements” that she felt was actually just the amniotic fluid. I think watching that reel brought my paranoia to a different level. I just couldn’t be sure if I counted the fetal kicks correctly. Is this a true kick? Or fetal hiccups (which is not counted towards fetal movement)? Or worse, just amniotic fluid? Up to a point that I had to go to the hospital while I was outstation because I felt reduced fetal movements. Though part of me knew I was probably too tired at that time, I was still quite anxious, and the fact that I - and my colleague who was staying in the same room with me - heard some kind of “paranormal activity” the night before did not help.

I was not even too excited about preparing all the baby stuff. Firstly, because of my paranoia. What if I prep everything too early but ended up with a stillborn? Yes, I was having these dark thoughts almost everyday. Hopefully my worries are not embedded in 2.0’s gene. Secondly, I wasn’t too sure whether to prep according to the scanned gender (which is different gender from baby H 1.0) or just gender neutral. Bae said to just use 1.0’s old clothes but me, on the other hand, lowkey worried that 2.0 will have some kind identity confusion lol. Also, I don’t want to believe the scanned gender 100% until I have seen the gender by my own eyes, because what if it turned out to be ambiguous genitalia? See, me and my worries and what ifs. 

Anyways. Pushed myself to prepare everything. Tried to reassured myself that statistically, there are more pregnancies which are uneventful compared to those with complications. Slowly unpacked all those baby stuff from 1.0, clean and set them up. Even managed to pack the hospital bag and put it in my car for standby. 

Oh, I mentioned that I had GDM in previous pregnancy. Gratefully, my MOGTT x2 during this pregnancy came back as normal. So antenatally, I don’t have any issue apart from my weight gain (sometimes it can be too little and sometimes too much but overall, the weight I gained was still in normal range) and my Hb - but that was because of my (non) compliance towards my iron supplement lol. I even managed to fast the whole month during Ramadan. Because I couldn’t bear the thought of replacing fasting during breastfeeding period. Also, I read that fasting could help in controlling blood sugar in pregnant mothers hence highly unlikely to get GDM. So what did I do after I was cleared from GDM (and when they said I had inadequate weight gain?) Of course I ate a lot. And the fact that it’s durian season did not help at all lol. I ate A LOT of durian. 

So, that’s the story of my pregnancy journey with 2.0. Will write about my labour journey soon. 

Anak’s Procedure Day

 Putting this up here for memories. 

Anak was admitted over the weekend for an elective procedure under GA after being postponed since 2020. Initially I was worried it will be postponed again as she was still recovering from URTI despite being COVID negative. Kept bugging S asking all these questions and she calmly entertained me 🥰. During GA assessment, the GA MO also reassured me saying she passed her assessment and could proceed with the procedure. Hearing that, I gladly signed all the consents. 

Throughout the admission, anak has been such an angel. While the other kids were crying when the nurse wanted to measure their weight and took their vitals, she went through it like a champ. Even when the doctors examined her. She also sat on her bed patiently when I went to the bathroom or filled up my water bottle. With the help of Paw Patrol, of course. 

When it was time for her to fast, of course she kept asking to nenen 😅. Until she was too tired and fell asleep. Moments after that, the nurse told me it was her turn to go to OT. She was cranky for being woken up to change her clothes but soon settled and while waiting at the OT, she fell back to sleep. Didn’t even wake up when the anaes pushed the propofol in. Well, she did fuss a bit but her eyes remained closed lol. 

Also, a happy coincidence that S was working during her procedure day so it felt like I have an insider updating me with her progress which helped to calm me. 

Once she was at the recovery bay and I could be at her side again, she was still sleeping as the sedation was still in effect. You know how people say about people under sedation act? While she was sleeping, I knew she was dreaming about nenen because of her tongue movement lol. When we were in the ward, she was still drowsy and when she did open her eyes she was like nyum2 while pointing to the food on the table and before I could feed her she was out again 😆. Kesian ba kelaparan sampai terbawa2 dalam mimpi. 

She was the 4th out of 6 or 7 cases scheduled and she was done and back in the ward by 2-ish. She slept until 5 or 6 pm and when she woke up, she insisted on eating a packet pf biscuits and 2 slices of watermelon. Which she vomited back (twice) just before the nurse came with our discharge notes lol. So we ended up staying another night as the sedation might still be in her system. Hence the vomiting. While the other 2 kids who were in the same room as us (and one was the last case on the list) able to go back on the same day. 

Discharge day was uneventful. Didn’t pay a single cent as I was using bae’s GL. Thank you government. 

All in all, everything went quite smoothly. Special thanks to the main team, Dr Meryam and Ms Aini, and GA team, Dr Gajen, Dr Jasmin, and one other dr that I didn’t catch her name. To the nurses and other hospital staff. And of course, the one person that I have been bugging since way before the anak was scheduled for the procedure, S. 

Oh, before I forget. When the nurse wanted to insert IV line, of course anak cried and  of course I cried too lol. 

Hopefully anak will recover soon. Her body felt quite warm last night but I didn’t have the thermometer with me so not sure if she is feverish or not. Also since we don’t have our nanny anymore and play school won’t accept sick kids and my annual leave is quite limited…so, yeah. Even her runny nose hasn’t completely clear up. 

Till then. 

Target Niche: Mothers

 To maintain a successful blog, you need to find your niche. So right now I am aiming towards fellow Sabahan mothers who are looking for things to do with their kids, especially in the middle of this pandemic-soon-to-be-endemic. 

For context, I have a 2 years old curious little toddler who is eager to explore the world and life with Covid sucks. I want her to have social life but sending her to play school makes me (but mostly her dad) anxious. To compensate, I try to bring her out as much as possible.

Hopefully I could keep this up lol. So far I’m planning to review The Bee Fun Land in EG Mall, Inanam, the play area at Suria Sabah and ITCC, and later Aquascape and play area at IMAGO. Oh I also planned to bring her to train ride, to the zoo, and maybe museum? But I don’t think she could appreciate the museum bits.

Anyway, if you guys have any suggestions on things to do with the kids, please do leave a comment!

2021 - Recap, Gratitude, Resolution

I think at this point, why do I even bother keeping this blog up, am I right? I guess deep down I still want to be a writer and this blog is the closest thing I could ever feel about becoming a writer haha. I actually sort of made a resolution of early this year of writing everyday. Did sorta diary/journal on my phone, but only lasted for several days ha. I mean, I couldn’t even keep my main resolution - which was to lose 1kg every month…so…yeah.

What has happened this year that is worth documenting on here…let me see.

1. Quit my previous job as a contract government worker and now I am working with an NGO. I think it’s quite bold of me as I never really one that steer away from my comfort zone. But I’m glad I did it. The money is definitely better when I was still in my previous employment but now that I have a growing kid, work-life balance is definitely something that I appreciate more in my current job, and you could always find more money, right?

2. Actually making money by baking cakes. We sold more than 40 cakes, and we even have our own Instagram page ha. We - as in my brother and I. We were enthusiastic for about, 2-3 months before the sales started to decline and we couldn’t be bothered anymore ha. It is hard work to start a business. The accounting part, the branding and the promoting part etc etc. I even learn a bit about Canva - very, very basic stuff though.

3. Oh I finally joined a dropship selling this one herbal molasses drink called Supercube, and I have been meaning to write a post about it but keeps delaying and forgetting about it. Maybe next year. But in case you are wondering about this drink, just hit me up.

4. Handling a program in my previous clinic. Was honoured with the responsibility as the liaison officer of  COVID-19 in the clinic, and subsequently handling the vaccination centre when it first started. OK, honestly I didn’t do much. I just helped here and there. I was more of a point of reference haha. And I would redirect the question or inquiry to the related personnel. So, really, nothing much. 

To make this post a bit longer, might as well list things that I am thankful of and what I hope I achieved next year.

I am thankful for 

1. My family, first and foremost, especially my wonderful kid. To have someone so special to love and nurture, I am forever grateful. I may not be the best mother, but please know, I tried my very best to be your mother.

2. My friends, old and new. Without them, I would never know joy and this life wouldn’t be the same without them.

3. My job, as I still can earn money to sustain my life and still enjoy my life. Not to mention that I actually have more free time now, and I should really utilising them better.

Which leads me to things that I hope I can achieve next year.

1. Getting more fit. I actually want to lose weight, but I think getting more fit is more important. I want to be able to lift my kid and play with her without losing my breath. And if I do lose weight during the process, that would be even better. I already bought a dumbbell set for that, and all left to do now is to look for a workout routine that I could incorporate in my daily life. I plan to walk on the treadmill on daily basis to hit the recommended 10k steps (which I can never achieve, actually haha). So maybe I could do some weights before the cardio.

2. Read more books. This is self explanatory. Plus, I found ways to get more e-books for free. Hopefully I can read non-fictions. I have plenty in my to read list. Most of them are…I’m not sure what the genre actually is. Self-help maybe?

3. Learn languages. My Duolingo is looking a bit sad. And I saw a TikTok where this person can actually converse for work purpose in French and she has been learning French using Duolingo for 2 years! So on Duolingo I have French, Italian, and Spanish, and I paid some fee to learn Mandarin at my own pace, and I think I should learn some native languages, like my own ethnic haha.

4. To declutter, reorganise, and reduce. I need to learn to not to be too attached to things that don’t matter. Let go of things that I barely use. And to not add more junk! For starters, I am trying to reduce my skincare steps to only the essentials. Which includes cleanse, tone, moisturize, and sun protection. At night (when I didn’t fall asleep), I add on eye cream and occasionally chemical exfoliator and face oil. I actually want to use retinol, but since it is teratogenic, I need to hold it off first. Oh I also switched to soap bars now instead of shower gel. Might even switch to shampoo and conditioner bars too. I rarely buy clothes now too. And I need to visit my wardrobe again because I know there are clothes that I need to get rid of. My postpartum body and breastfeeding boobs just couldn’t fit into it anymore. Maybe one day, if I indeed manage to keep my no 1 resolution, but until then, might as well just get rid of them, right? I also need to declutter and reorganise my digital footsteps. That includes my photo gallery and my mailbox.

5. I want to say to write more, but I’m not sure if I can keep it haha. We’ll just see. Oh I should just say I want to be more creative, because I also want to try painting again. Not that I have actually started, ever. The only painting I have truly ever done was the flower painting class I joined some time ago. 

6. To be more mindful of my finances. Which includes the income and the spending. I wanted to try trading, but I still haven’t get around to learning about it - and honestly I still am clueless on how to open a CDS account haha so maybe we’ll focus on other types of passive income first.

I think I have write enough for now. Hopefully could write again sooner (and not in 1 year time ha).

Until then.