Have you ever asked - prayed - so hard for a sign, to help you get through that difficult time, to help you make a choice?
God knows I have.
In fact, with how the things are going for me right now, it might be the sign that I've been waiting for. Let me rewrite that. They might be the signs I've been waiting for. All those signs, telling me one thing. Stop. Stop doing what I shouldn't do. Stop hoping for things I shouldn't and wouldn't get. Stop waiting - and wanting - for those moments. They are not worth it.
Sometimes, I think the reason why I'm acting like this is because I'm craving for attention. For love. For appreciation.
Oh God. Writing it out makes me feel...I dunno...desperate? Like an attention whore?
I wish I could turn back and become a child again. Innocent and naive.
You probably have no idea what I'm talking about. Well, that's good. I don't intend on letting other people know, which is a bit ironic, since I'm writing this on a medium where it could be accessed by the public. The thing is, I couldn't be honest with other people, and sometimes, not even myself. Because I know, by then, I would be judged.
Maybe I should stop ignoring those signs.
But then...I'm afraid sooner or later, I would come back, crawling, to savour it all over again.
I need a good distraction. To distract me, and make me forget about it.
*****
On another note, I'm starting to consider seriously in learning French. I've even downloaded some YouTube videos. Heh. Why I couldn't be like this in learning Arabic, or medicine?
Rough planning for the upcoming days: Go to Zagazig and join a 2-days trip to Matruh and Siwa.
Things I should - want to - be blogging about: Ze Note and the winter trip.
Stuff I really need to buy: Jeans and keyboard. Gosh, this inability to use the 'g' button is really bugging me.
God knows I have.
In fact, with how the things are going for me right now, it might be the sign that I've been waiting for. Let me rewrite that. They might be the signs I've been waiting for. All those signs, telling me one thing. Stop. Stop doing what I shouldn't do. Stop hoping for things I shouldn't and wouldn't get. Stop waiting - and wanting - for those moments. They are not worth it.
Sometimes, I think the reason why I'm acting like this is because I'm craving for attention. For love. For appreciation.
Oh God. Writing it out makes me feel...I dunno...desperate? Like an attention whore?
I wish I could turn back and become a child again. Innocent and naive.
You probably have no idea what I'm talking about. Well, that's good. I don't intend on letting other people know, which is a bit ironic, since I'm writing this on a medium where it could be accessed by the public. The thing is, I couldn't be honest with other people, and sometimes, not even myself. Because I know, by then, I would be judged.
Maybe I should stop ignoring those signs.
But then...I'm afraid sooner or later, I would come back, crawling, to savour it all over again.
I need a good distraction. To distract me, and make me forget about it.
*****
On another note, I'm starting to consider seriously in learning French. I've even downloaded some YouTube videos. Heh. Why I couldn't be like this in learning Arabic, or medicine?
Rough planning for the upcoming days: Go to Zagazig and join a 2-days trip to Matruh and Siwa.
Things I should - want to - be blogging about: Ze Note and the winter trip.
Stuff I really need to buy: Jeans and keyboard. Gosh, this inability to use the 'g' button is really bugging me.
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